Just a Thought

I have such little faith in men nowadays it seems... I've got tons of faith in the Lord no problem... But in men, not so much. I tell you though, satan knew he couldn't get to me. He tried many times, but it was a losing battle. The Lord sealed me His a long time ago... I'm not saying I'm perfect or that satan won't or doesn't win some of the battles he fights with me (because he does)... what I'm saying is that knowledge truly is power, and that truly knowing Jesus Christ lives and that I'm so imperfect... that is what gives me the strength to always stay close to and on the path that leads to eternal life and exaltation... and satan knew he couldn't pull me too far off the path (and again, believe me when I say he tried really hard), so instead, he attacked the one person I loved more than anyone, more than any thing, next to God... my husband... and he used him to tear me down... to destroy the most sacred relationship we have here on earth, marriage. And it took satan 2 years to finally do it... and that is satan's attack plan now, to attack and destroy families before they can even get started, because he knows they get stronger with children and with time and experience.

And that is one of the reasons why I will NEVER wait to have children after I get married again if I can help it! And that is why FAMILY and personal scripture study, and family and personal prayer, and family home evenings, and family temple worship are SO important to me... even if it's just the two of us! Because we can't afford to allow satan into the marriage, into our lives in ANY way!

It's just like in the scriptures (Book of Mormon, Alma 48:7-10 & 50:1-12) when the Nephites fortified their cities and strongholds. It was almost ridiculous the measures they took... with the walls of dirt, and the wood walls on top of that, and the wood pickets on top of those, and the towers that overlooked it all with places of security built so they could cast stones down upon their enemies without being hurt very much... and when the Lamanites came to destroy them, they could not defeat them. More than a thousand Lamanites were killed and only 50 Nephites were wounded, and they were wounded only on their legs because they had been protected everywhere else with their armor (Book of Mormon, Alma 49:1-25).

This is in similitude of what I want my marriage and my family to be like... I want my home to be a fortress against the armies and temptations of the adversary, and a sanctuary of peace from the storms and cares of the world... I want myself, my husband, and my children, to understand that each time we pray together, work together, read and study scriptures together, go to the temple together... that each time we do these things (and many more), we are building walls of protection around ourselves and around our family as a whole... and I want us to be so ridiculously protected and strong that while we may be wounded at times, we may never fall...

And I want a man who sees and understands my vision and feels the same way, and will do everything they can to help build that home, that LIFE with me! And I won't settle for less than that! I JUST WON'T! I don't want things to be like before... like how life was with my previous husband. It seemed like he didn't understand, didn't see how important it was to constantly be working on and strengthening ourselves and the family unit as a whole... You have to fortify! You have to plan! You have to protect your testimony and soul from being shaken by the world! And you have to do it daily, or you'll fall!

And I don't understand why nobody sees or understands that! And if they DO, I don't understand why they don't DO anything about it! ... and I guess maybe that's why PJ gives me such great hope... because he's not perfect, but he seems to see and understand things like this... and he actually DOES something about it. It seems like he understands what it means to be anxiously engaged... someone who actually LIVES and breathes the gospel... because he knows he'd surely die spiritually without it. And who, figuratively speaking, RUNS as far away from sin and as close to Heavenly Father as possible. And he is the only man, at this current point in time, who I know to have achieved this... who has put a significantly large distance between himself and sins, and continues to work towards building protection around himself and his family...

Sadly enough though, he lives quite a distance away... and it doesn't seem that it's meant to work out... But all things considered, his spiritual strength is the one quality about him that I love the most... and all the other amazing qualities he possesses (or doesn't) seem to not matter one bit... Because if we love the Lord first and each other second, then everything will fall into place.