Self Diagnosed

Depression hurts. Not only the depressed one, but all those involved. For over 8 months now I've struggled to breathe... Moving from a deep, suffocating resentment for my husband, who would sleep so deeply through night-time feedings... to a suffocating resentment for my new lifestyle. I feel like I'm not really living, just existing... Just moving mindlessly about, changing diapers, breastfeeding, washing dishes and laundry, never actually finishing my "chores" for the day, ever... Moments of joy come and go, but never last. I can't remember what I did yesterday, and I don't quite yet care about what I'll be doing tomorrow. It's a different kind of feeling, different than it's been before. Maybe that's why it's called postpartum depression... All my life I dreamed of becoming a mom, and now that I am, I dream of nothing but running away...